Thursday, May 21, 2015

Reflection #32/40

Remember that book, Everything I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten? I can’t say that’s true for me. When I was in kindergarten, I learned about letters, shapes, and numbers, but mostly I learned about loneliness and isolation. I hated kindergarten.

I was very shy as a child. There was no childhood trauma to make me that way, I just was. When I went to kindergarten I was scared to talk to anyone, teacher or student. And when you start the year o
ff not talking to anyone, you get stuck in the habit, and pretty soon everyone takes it for granted, and no one talks to you. You don’t know how to break the cycle, so you end up alone, watching the other kids play.

I wished no one could see me. I fantasized about being invisible, so I could come and go when I wanted, and not have to worry about what other people thought.

When the class sang “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands,” and I didn’t clap my hands, it’s not because I was being difficult; I was just following instructions. I was not happy, and I knew it.

Now I drop Abby off at kindergarten every morning. And every morning I am grateful that she is excited to go, that she has made friends and loves her teacher and has fun. I never want her to feel as lonely as I did.

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